What's An Acceptable AGE GAP In a RELATIONSHIP? - r/AskRedditAskWomen: A subreddit dedicated to asking women questions about their thoughts, lives, and experiences; providing a place where all women can comfortably and candidly share their responses in a non-judgmental space. As part of our commitment to that mission, the AskWomen subreddit is curated to promote respectful and on-topic discussions, and not serve as a debate subreddit. The quick and dirty version click the graphic for the full set :. Use the search tool and FAQ before you post. No pot-stirring. No agenda questions.
I feel like ever since my breakup a few months ago, it's almost like a magnetic pull to older men. I went on a few dates with a guy in his early thirties I'm 20, had just turned 19 at the time. He was a real gentleman, but I knew I was way too young to be with him. The age difference and the generational differences were difficult, plus there was a cultural difference as well. I rather enjoyed talking to him and having dinner, but at the end of the day we would not have worked long term. I think one thing I worry about is people thinking I have a daddy complex, which in truth, my relationship with my dad was horrendous and I feel a serious sense of relief after he passed away last year.
Dated someone fourteen years older than me when I was 22 for about a year. Honestly, the only real difference was that he had an established career. His personality was really goofy and childlike not necessarily in a bad way so we actually got along pretty good. Currently dating with a 12 year gap.
Didn't know it was that wide when I met them, but by the time I found out I was already smitten and didn't really care. Instant chemistry. Conversation just flowed like we'd been friends for years. We have vastly different hobbies and interests but a few that do overlap. Best I've ever experienced. Like we were designed for each other.
Like all the sex I've had before was a pale imitation of what it could be. What was a problem or dilemma in your relationship because of the gap that most people might not think of? Haven't experienced any so far. There's the odd conversation around a band or movie or tv show that one of us hasn't seen but it's never a dealbreaker or argument. I was 18 and he was I was an emotional wreck from a traumatic childhood and had begun drinking then.
Sex only happened when I was drinking something of a problem I had for years after him, too and he lied about his penis size. Said he was bigger, but it was small and it didn't do anything for me. He was ready to settle down weird now that I think of it and I wasn't interested in any of that.
I ran off to the Bay Area and messaged him a mean message saying I fucked some other guy I didn't and that was that. Not the best of memories. I've dated several older men.
That didn't go very well. He was one of my photographers and his jealousy and insecurity was way too much for me to deal with.
It was a full time job convincing him I wasn't going to leave him for someone younger. In the end I left him for no one but myself. I really like him but part of me does get nervous thinking about the age difference at this point in my life. But he is full of adventure and quite honestly one of the nicest men I have dated in my life. I recently decided I'd like to move things to the next level.
I just hope he is ok with that as well, we have been taking it really really slow and I hope he hasn't friend zoned me due to the age difference! Age is a Some older men will have completely different mindsets than younger generations and some will be adventurous, curious, and open minded.
Find someone that is the latter! I'm sorry to hear that, I imagine that must be extremely frustrating to have your partner not out or willing to come out. I only have 11 years between my partner and I but my Father is only 6 years older than him so that bit is kinda weird the only thing that's really notable is that one of us has more life experience and knows how to deal with things better than the other aha.
It didn't work out. I was early 30s, he was late 40s. I think the age difference freaked him out more than me. He wasn't ready to settle down until about 35 so when we met we were in the same mental place.
We just got married after dating for 6 years. I'm starting to become more aware of our age difference. I know that our children will probably only have to worry about arrangements for me because I will be able to handle death arrangements for him. But my husband will be in his 60s when our child graduates and probably won't be a big part of our grandchildrens lives, if he gets to meet them at all.
Was 24 and dated a 37 year old. Not a good experience for me.
I'm curious what your experience was like in dating someone fifteen years or more older than you. What was your compatibility like, what was your sex life like, . r/AskWomen: AskWomen: A subreddit dedicated to asking women questions about their thoughts, I went on a date with a guy who was 12 years older than me. 65 points · 3 years ago. Thank god for this post. I'm a 46 yr old woman dating a 26 yr old man, we met at 22/ I tend to be the one with insecurities, maybe I.
He said I was too "old" for him, he was constantly going on dating sites and instagram looking for younger girls, even if they were under 18! Cheated on me and very controlling. Dated someone 15 years older than me when I was I was not prepared for the Lipitor and fiber. Nor did I care for the Viagra. Mostly because he didn't NEED it. He saw it as a performance enhancer. I didn't understand it.
It gave him random boners like a 8th grade boy. It was actually a big turn off. And I'm sorry He was 17 years older. Compatibility was fine while it lasted, and then he moved on to the next much-younger woman.
Oh - sex was great because I taught him a lot. He and his ex-wife weren't very adventurous. We get along so well. For some reasons we have so much in common. We like the same food, the same movies and the same songs. He treats me with so much respect. He actually waited for 6 months before we had sex. We kissed for the first time after going on dates for 3 months. After going on dates for 7 months or so, we decided to go exclusive and we decided the first time we talked would be our anniversary.
His generosity and his thoughtfulness are one of many reasons why he's such a great man. He usually texts me the first thing after he wakes up. He never fails to send me good night texts. He's not a super romantic type guy, but he takes care of me so much that he also never fails to send me home if it's too late.
If not, he will send me an uber to make sure I will be home safe. About sex, it's amazing. He knows what to do. He knows what I like and his efforts to make me cum is sweet somehow.
I am now actually. I'm 27 and she's Were both polyamorous and in an open relationship. I think it takes understanding from both sides, and a decent amount of maturity, someone older isn't going to put up with a lot of immaturity.
Older women tend to value intelligence and character over looks, though not always. In my case we know what we have won't last forever, she has ties locally and I want to move once i'm done school. Compatibility wise we get along really well, and she compliments aspects that i'm weak in and vice versa.
I'd say this is probably the most healthy relationship I've had, lots of understanding and support from both sides, we get along fantastically and there is sexual chemistry.
She's a very dominant lady and kinda reminds me of a red head cersei lannister. Very intimidating to everyone but me it seems, she doesn't phase me at all, much to her frustration. I like to annoy her by not getting her "aged" jokes or references, which makes roll her eyes. My husband is 16 years older than me.
r/AskWomen: AskWomen: A subreddit dedicated to asking women questions The ones that were significantly older (10/20+ years) than me were generally. My husband is 12 years older than I am. There's really not much of a difference. Other than the fact that he's way more mature than anyone else I've dated. I found though that guys that age had a strong idea of what they wanted from a 20 -year-old girlfriend, which was to be young, pretty, passive, without strong.
The age gap thing very rarely comes up. We have similar tastes in music and film, enjoy doing things together. Dance classes, gardening, hiking, horse riding, gigs, travel.
We have been friends for nearly ten years, a couple for over eight years, married for nearly four years. We got together when I was 23, and all our friends were relieved that we had finally figured it out.
Right now we are listening to a bit of music and he is reading me a joke about a frog son of Mick Jagger. Most of my relationships have been with older men and my current boyfriend is years older than me depending one what month it is. The sex is awesome. But I don't think that's necessarily because he's older. Just that we're very compatible there. Most of them aren't surprising. Older guys are often in a different place in their lives and want slightly different things out of a relationship.
One small thing, but that can be frustrating, is that I often don't get some of the older cultural references that him and his older friends will talk about.
It's never fun being the one person in the room who doesn't understand what everyone else is laughing about. He's great about explaining them but I often feel that difference in our life experience.
That's also one of the things I like about dating older guys though. He's lived so much, knows so much, and he's so fun and interesting. Different people cited "wanting different things" as a problem. What exactly does this entail? Just like maybe one of you wanting kids and the other doesn't? No gift threads. No seeking medical advice. No surveys. Post titles must be a descriptive, in depth question and searchable using keywords, or will be removed.
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We have flair for men, women, trans folks, and gender neutral people. Be specific: ask a general question, get a general answer. This is not a debate sub. Attempts to invalidate or argue someone else's response are not permitted. How did it go? What was great and what sucked? Tell me everything you're willing to share! I had an on-off thing with a year old when I was One day I realized that while I was pretty keen on not being a fucked up teenager forever, he was pretty content being one for a long time.
I tried to push him to make life changes, so he left me for a fresh year-old. I stopped talking to him and realized how messed up he was to have been interested in me in the first place at that time in my life. After that I was often still interested in older men and had a few "introductions" but never actually dated a couple year olds when I was 20, I thought maybe if I found a guy with his shit together good career, stable life, even older I'd get the attractive older man I was actually looking for.
I found though that guys that age had a strong idea of what they wanted from a year-old girlfriend, which was to be young, pretty, passive, without strong ideas and willing to meld perfectly into their already formed life. Live in their city, in their house, take care of their kids, and be bubbly cheery and horny to boot, and of course not bring your own baggage, if they wanted someone with life history they'd date a year-old.
I was never too keen on the types of relationships proposed by those men, and ended up finding myself much more compatible with a smaller age range of 5 or so years, which gave me the gap I wanted with someone who wanted to forge a life with their partner, rather than fill a gap in their everything-but life.
Also by 20 I was old enough and together enough that the mid-to-late 20's guys interested in me weren't overgrown teenagers.
That scene where he saw Megan interacting happily with his kids and he thought she was The One because of it! Now she's proven she's the free-spirited, determined, 60's?
I don't think he likes it. I'm sensing the end of their relationship is coming. I have no idea who would be right for Don. He has a lot of issues. Its weird how every time he cheated on Betty I felt nothing and wanted him to not get caught. But whenever he cheated on Megan, I got pissed and shouted at the screen. That's very interesting isn't it. I'm pretty similar. I think it's because by now I'm over his shit.
I've seen too much of him being a bad guy. At the start I could look past it because I was just getting to know the character and it seemed to fit with the times in a way. But now, I really want to see him turn over a new leaf.
That would be really satisfying. When he married Megan, I thought "surely he wouldn't bother getting married if he just wanted to screw around" and so I was hoping this might be a new beginning for him Joan I think? I also like Megan so many people don't! In one of the early seasons he yelled at Betty for buying a bikini, then later on he's happily lying on a beach next to Megan in a bikini - he's come far in that regard over the years.
It's interesting just how common that is. I had like three female friends who had their first major relationship as 18 year olds with 30 year olds. One of them was pretty bad he was a musician guy, he made her hide the relationship in front of their shared friends and he eventually cheated on her with an even younger girl the others just kind of simmered away eventually.
My theory has always been that a lot of the time this is a good deal for guys with hangups or who are slightly, how to say, looser-ish for example, one of the relationships I mentioned was a slightly alcoholic leaning plumber dating an art student.
And the young girls aren't experienced enough to realize that, but eventually they wisen up once they realize that this guy that looks superior from their much younger POV is actually on the low end of the totem pool among his peers which isn't dishonorable or anything but it's kinda skeevy that he would intentionally seek out inexperienced people to make himself look better than what he is.
Every time I try to answer the "is it ok for a such and such year old to date a such and such year old" I end up with this explanation. Sure there are exceptions and different life circumstances but more often than not I find that it is this situation. Compared to all the girl's male peers this guy seems pretty fancy, maybe he owns a car or house when guys her age do not, maybe he can take her to nicer places, or maybe he just seems over all more experienced and worldly.
Either way, that same guy when compared to his peers tends to fall on the lowish end. Good things: He had the means to take me to some pretty cool places. We drove across country, explored his home state, and he introduced me to a hobby I quite enjoy. The bad: He never took me seriously. If I gave him advice, he never took it from me. In order to take it seriously, he had to hear it from a same age friend.
And it was never my idea. He would flat ignore or deny that I had said it before. On top of that, he was just really weird. The longer I was with him, the more i realized I was changing and growing, but he wasn't.
He was just really immature and had some mild mental issues. I had the same experience.
UPDATE: so I went on a date an the guy was super creepy and weird and horny so it's not Two years ago, I met my current SO, who is 15 years older than me. I know I get a lot of questions asked to me privately once people have learned of my relationship. I'm willing to answer (almost) anything. Not me personally but my best friend is dating a man that is about 25 years older than she is. I know her very well and I know him fairly well as I used to volunteer.
The trips and new things were awesome. The disregarding of my input and interruptions when I spoke were not awesome. It's just the norm for older men interacting with younger women, I find. A few are a bit more respectful. You and I had nearly identical relationships. I think the mental thing you mentioned is a big thing with these guys. I don't even know where mine is anymore.
I lost contact with him shortly after I broke up with him and he insisted that I had been cheating on him. He wouldn't drop it and wouldn't believe me, so I dropped all contact. I heard from a high school friend later that he filed bankruptcy and moved in with his mom.
He was terrible with money by the end. The mental side was so demeaning. I didn't even realize it at first. It took me a good year and a half into our relationship to see he was doing it.
When things started to slip and I started to distance myself, he started taking desperate steps to be close to me. I had pet mice and hermit crabs at the time. I came up to visit, and he had mice and hermit crabs even though he was terrified of touching them. It made him seem weird, pathetic, and too impulsive. Even in trying to get close to me, he still treated me like a dumb kid. I'm so glad I got out when I did. I'm sure you are too. I'm sure it feels nice to know that you have moved on with your life.
I was 21, he was 50something. My friend committed suicide and I stood up my date. When I explained the situation, my date said, "You couldn't have fucking called me 4 fucking hours ago? I was 23, he was He didn't know how to take no for an answer in the bedroom and he cried when I broke up with him.
He still gets in touch to offer me a job every year or so. I was 25, he was 40something I never found out his real age. He was fascinating world-renowned architect, published more than 20 books but terribly lonely.
While he was out traveling the world on a lecture circuit, he sent identical emails to me and one of my friends who he was also dating and lying to me about. He still texts both of us every Valentine's Day. Dated a year-old when I was Everything was great until I found out he had a wife and two kids. Met and dated a guy when I was 24 and he was He was very interested in me and wanted to make sure that I was always comfortable.
He was smart and very well cultured. All I can really say is that he was very sweet and always wanted to make me happy and take care of me, it was a bonus that he was funny too and we shared the same type of humor. I was 24, he was He wasn't particularly mature or very far along in his career, so the age difference was never noticeable to me when we were together.
What was a big deal, though, was that he was embarrassed to be with me. He met me at a strange time in my life after I had made some questionable life decisions, and because I was much younger than he was he psyched himself out about telling his friends and family that I existed. So for over a year I was his secret girlfriend.
I dumped him when, a few days before his birthday party, he asked me to "not act like his girlfriend" at the party - and then uninvited me when I questioned him. It was, but it was such a relief to dump him! And I learned a lot about myself during that relationship, so it wasn't a total loss.
I did this several times during my early 20's. When I was 22, I dated a 36 yr old, at 23 another 36 yr old, and several more who were years older. I did it because they boys my age were unbearably immature. The men I chose ended up being attracted to women my age because they were also immature, so it didn't work out.
The last attempt was when I dated a something year old when I was I have never been so uncomfortable on dates in public. People would stare at us in open shock and disgust when we went out something I'd never experienced. He was cheap and milquetoast, so it didn't go anywhere. Now I'm with a man 5-years younger together 4 happy years who is by far the most mature person I've ever dated. Go figure. I like to think I have a pretty good vocabulary but I had to look up milquetoast, so thanks!
Learn something new every day :. Me too! I love that it's one of those words that sounds like what it means. Those are my favorite kind of words. Too lazy to look it up. That's what I'd guess from context. I met my boyfriend when I was 20, and he was thirty.
I am now turning 22 and he is turning 33! I honestly don't recognize the age gap as much as I thought I would. Going on three years, I prefer being with him than to men my own age. It's all about compatibility; who he is as a person. Also, if he and I were the same age, I may not have liked him as much. A lot of the qualities I like about him come from life experience. This is by far the happiest and healthiest relationship I have been in. He respects me, my opinions, takes my advice and I do the same.
I always tease him about his age and the playful banter is the key to our sarcastic relationship. Our communication is amazing, the best I have ever had. It is so refreshing to be heard and actually listened when expressing your concerns. I honestly feel that age is just a number when the relationship is stable and healthy. Glad to hear that someone else has had luck dating an older guy!
Every year I realize that the me a year ago was a completely different person than I am now.
Hey guys, just want your opinion on age gap relationships. I ask because I'm 34, I have a long history of only dating older women and the last relationship I.
At 27 I am lightyears away from the person I was at 20 in both emotional maturity and knowledge of self. I can't even imagine what I'll be like 11 years from now. I'm jealous that you have shit figured out enough at 20 that you can be in a successful relationship with a 38 year old. At 20 I was getting shitfaced and trying to figure out what major I wanted in college.
Don't worry, I don't have most things figured out. Really only myself and am winging the rest of it. Hopefully most people have changed with time. I've only started to not be completely humiliated by every action I have ever done as of about a year ago. That was the defining moment of becoming the person I am today. Everything else was also very important in shaping the person I am, but that is when I took the time to understand, love myself and learned to be happy alone.
I have also realized I have become the person my younger self always wished she was. I was twenty-five, he was thirty-nine, which to me was not a huge age difference. Everything was great between us, except that he knew definitively that he never wanted to have children and I did. And we respected each other enough that it would never have occurred to us to try to talk the other one out of their desire.
He was a fantastic man, everything I could have ever wanted in a husband -- extremely erudite, witty, generous, worldly, successful, tender and an amazing human being. We shared many interests and had very similar senses of humour. He was a physician and encouraged me after we parted to pursue medical school. I would not say it was a downside, but I think he had arrived at that point in his life and he knew that he did not want children and nothing was going to change that, whereas a younger person is probably more open to thinking about both possibilities, not having already established an entire lifestyle that precludes having children, like going to the Galapagos to naturalise for weeks.DATING SOMEONE OLDER THAN YOU IS WRONG??
He ended up marrying a very accomplished lady and they are quite happy. I never felt patronised by him in any way. Most the experiences here are rather negative, but I've had great luck dating older people. I think I grew up a little too fast foster care, had custody of my youngest sister when I was 22 and she was 17, etcand so I often have trouble relating to people my own age.
I'm currently with one guy that's 10 years older than me, and it's great. I know a lot more about science than he does, but he has more life experience and tech knowledge. We teach each other a lot and talk about all sorts of things. I dated someone in my early twenties that was 10 years older than me, and he helped me a lot with my sister.
He also helped me when I just needed to get away from her, and I'd crash at his house and do homework while he played video games.
We were very different people, but I got an escape from responsibilities through him, and through me he read a lot more and got inspiration to go back to school years later. I eventually broke up with him because we couldn't connect at the intellectual level I really wanted to, but we're still good friends and he's getting married soon! I 33m was inspired to go to college by 22 y girlfriend. Some of the many little reasons why I love her.
There are little maturity things that are a pain but getting better. No, I'm not with her for trying to be young or wanting young. I was 21 and he was 38 when we met. We were best friends for two years, no funny business. We went on holiday with a group of friends for my 23rd birthday and got a bit cuddly and kissy there but it was another six months before we were a couple.
We have been together for six years. I'm 29, he's He seems younger than when we met and I have grown up having had someone I trust and admire to bounce ideas off and to challenge some of my beliefs. We challenge eachother in the best way. We caught eachother at good points in our lives and it has only got better. We argue very well, are both good listeners and are very happy together. Our families were not keen. He had so much more life behind him that my mother told me that I would never be his first priority.
I come from a relatively financially poor background and to her mind a rough area. She is very sheltered and though I was in a more stable financial position than he was at the time, I get the impression his mother thought I was gold-digging, or somehow going to get pregnant and drag him into a life of hardship and supermarket checkout jobs. I'm 22 and dating a 36 year old man.
We were friends for about six months before we actually got together met through work and have been together almost a year. From my perspective, literally the only thing that's different from my past relationships is that sometimes he'll make a joke from, like, the 80s that I won't understand. The age gap isn't an issue. I like that he has the maturity and life experience to help me through situations that I might be experiencing for the first time.
He likes that I have a more optimistic view when he is taking things too seriously. It's good for both of us. Currently, I am in my mid's and he's in his 40's. I'm still with him.
We've been dating for about 4 years and about to have a child together. There are a couple things that are great related to dating someone older. He is established and confident with his career he is always striving to be better at what he doeswe have discussions instead of arguing, and the sex is great.
Other than that, all the qualities I love about him is due to how he is naturally. What I don't like is the age gap itself. If we decide to grow old together, we have about 50 years together.
That makes me sad because I won't have him for a good chunk of my senior years. Also, my parents hate him because he's older than me. Seems like a lot of the posts here are negative, so I thought I'd throw a positive one in the mix. My sister, who is in her late twenties, is with someone who is about to turn forty. She's always been a bit afraid of commitment and she's dated some real jerks--but this guy treats her like an absolute queen, and they are so adorable together!
Additionally, they just bought a house together and she says he's "the one". So it seems like its working out for them :. When I started dating my husband, I was 19, and he was a week from his 30th birthday.
The age difference was a non-issue. He was in his second year of med school, and I was in my second year of college. We got married shortly after we both graduated. The guys I knew who were my age acted like complete idiots. My husband and his friends were smart and interesting. Best relationship ever. He's not needy or insecure.
We've been dating for 9 months and the honeymoon stage just increases every day we are together. Not from my experience, but my friend married a guy that's 12 years older than her she was in her early 20's and it seems working out great. But the thing is that looking at them I really understand that your age doesn't matter.
He is very different from most people his age and seems young in his spirit but also very smart and driven. I was just out of a long term relationship that imploded, and was looking for the complete opposite. I thought I needed an older man that had his shit together and was confident. I was fooled. He played me with "The Game" and got me with "negging".
That shit worked on a 23 year old. He would never really commit, and the negging negative compliments became a part of our relationship. I was always put down oh you'd be so much sexier if you wore this or did this and started to believe I was lucky to be with him. At the same time, he'd never fully commit. He had an ex wife, who he obviously was still having sex with.
As much as he said it wasn't true, I made myself believe him. I spent a year and a half letting him drag me in and push me out and never committing, hoping one day. I was stupid. I finally found my confidence and walked away. We broke up many times, but stayed in contact. This final time I snapped and cut off all contact. He wasn't able to use his mind games on me and keeping me close.
I could go on forever.
Dating a man 15 years older reddit
I just wish I wasn't so stupid to think an older man could fulfill me in ways a man my age couldn't, and put up with his immature shit for so long thinking it was the way things were. My husband is 17 years older than me. I can't go alone and I'd like someone I can cuddle with because that sort of thing can be stressful.
Thing is I don't really look at relationships the way other people do - I haven't "dated" or had a "boyfriend" since I was I've had people come in and go out of my life that I had a special connection too and had sex with but we weren't an "item" and I don't really want to be anybody's "girlfriend".
But the age difference just bothers me in some way right now but I am open minded and I want to be open to whatever adventure comes my way. Thanks for all your replies everyone!
The age difference is less important than the similarities in your expectations, preferred relationship dynamics, and maturity levels. I'm She was one of the least stable, mature, and pleasant people with whom I've ever had the misfortune of associating. We did not share the same expectations, dynamics, and maturity levels. Two years ago, I met my current SO, who is 15 years older than me.
We're aligned on our expectations, dynamics, and maturity levels. You're right about that, I just find it a bit I don't know. Is that a reason thing to think or does that make me a jerk? If it makes me a jerk that's totally fine it just means there is an opportunity to become a better person. Sod off!! I would say once you hit it starts becoming more about compatibility, than age.
If you feel like you found someone you would really hit it off with, who cares about the age difference? You should probably get to know each other a lot more before contemplating traveling the world together though. That's my 2 cents. Yes, I understand that and I'm taking it all with a grain of salt. I've just been looking for so long for somebody who wants to do the same thing and I finally have it's impossible to stop the "what ifs" from going through your mind ya know haha.
Thanks, my parents are 7 years apart but 10 just seems like a little much. My parents were also much older when we met. I might be worried about stigma than anything else. Forget the age difference. It seems weird that you don't want to be anyone's girlfriend but you are asking this question. About some guy you met just the other day who wants to "travel the world in a nomadic way". What is going to fund these world travels? You expect a random guy like that to be your rock on some globetrotting adventures, thats a quick way to get disappointed.
So my advice: Do whatever, just don't depend on him financially or psychologically. You can travel by yourself. A guy you just met is just as likely to be a burden and source of stress. Don't be surprised when he wants to bang underaged ladyboys in thailand, then calls you a nag when you express disapproval. The problem with age difference is the power imbalance. And you almost sound like you want a daddy to shield you from the stresses of the real world, that creates a power imbalance right there.
I briefly glanced through your comments here, and you know what stuck out to me?