Main -> Dating -> Who Is Too Young or Too Old for You to Date? . Psychology Today

Who Is Too Young or Too Old for You to Date? . Psychology Today

Dating: 20s Vs. 30s

Ever heard of the rule that men should date women who are half their age plus seven? Some celebrities - think Leonardo Di Caprio - take this to extremes with a roster of something models regularly appearing on their arm, but do you know where the saying comes from? But does it stand up to scrutiny, or is it just a baseless rule perpetuated by men who want to justify dating younger, and less mature, women? We asked three relationship experts to weigh in on the rule - and their responses were surprising. Mid-century, the reason for the elevated age gap would've been economic.

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30 dating a 22 year old

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Insinger-songwriter John Prine recorded a slow, stripped-down version of the song for Spotify Singles, in which he brings out the essential charm of a ballad some find too saccharine.

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The only problem I would see would be if he didn't have an education, had financial problems, or some drama in his life. I know women who married guys who were more than ten years older than them, and frankly, there was a big benefit to being with someone already financially established, chiefly, being able to have kids younger rather than waiting until there's more income. I was a 20 year old dating a 28 year old.

Now I am a 27 year old happily married to a 35 year old. In our case, it worked out beautifully and things are pretty great with us.

I am so, so glad I ddin't reject him just because of his age. Just a data point. But, I would not have dated him while living with my parents or while working with him. Too much pressure - if things go wrong and your parents find out and she has to move in with you, would she have to switch schools and jobs? There is so much on the line here; I think the age difference is not the biggest concern. I'm much more concerned about her living under your parents' roof and risking her living situation than I am about the age difference.

Them being coworkers is also a concern. Both of those things can lead to a lot more drama and strife than anything related to age differences. Dating someone your parents don't approve of while you live with them, and that person also being a coworker is a horrible idea. Pretty sure no good can come from any of that. When I was 24, I very briefly took up with a 38 year old.

To no ill effect, and in fact we're friends to this day. That said, that was a different situation because this guy was by no means my "first" anything - I'd definitely been around the block by 24 - and also, we broke up very quickly because the age difference made him uncomfortable the fact that at 24 I looked barely legal probably didn't help, either.

It was very obvious from the get-go that this was not "meant to be" in any significant sense. How long have they been together? That's another concern - I would feel less sketchy about this if you hadn't said that things were "moving very quickly". But that's another thing I tend to distrust no matter what the ages are. Why not meet the guy, see them together, and get a sense of what they're like as a couple? There are plenty of immature 30 year old men in the US.

I know at 20 years old I still had a lot of growing up to do. She is more mature than me than I was at that age though So what? You're you, and she's her. You need to take care of yourself, and let her do for herself, unless or until some sort of actual harm enters the situation.

And even then, you need to remember that there's only so much you can to for someone else when romance is concerned, even if they're someone you love and feel protective of. Beginning when I was 25, I was in a relationship with a 40 year old for two years which started out by moving very quickly. There were a lot of personality issues and personal problems that made the relationship not work on both our partsbut age itself wasn't one of the factors that made it difficult, and we are still friends now.

Four years later, I can see that I got a lot out of that relationship, difficult as it was. The only possibly, though maybe not age-related issues I can think of that arose had to do with expectations. She had certain things that she expected because she was used to them: random gifts, more formal dates, not splitting the bill.

According to the rule, for example, a year-old should be with a partner who is at least 22, while a year-old's dating partner must be at. Re: The Year-Old: I think of myself as a normal, mature, year-old guy. My perspective on the year-old deal? Real men aren't overly. If you want a case study in humanity, year-old single guys have pretty . 8) The Aggressively Online Dating Guy Who Can't Believe He's Not.

Also, as a 31 year old I can say that I've known a number of year-olds at or near my level of maturity. If they're both treating each other well, I wouldn't worry about the age difference. I'd be more concerned about the prospects of a failed relationship with a co-worker than anything else. I was 18 when I started dating my now-husband, who was It's now 13 years later and we are still perfectly happy together.

I'd be more worried in her case about the potential getting-kicked-out-of-home thing. But since she's working, she could presumably afford to rent a place, yes? Maybe she'd have to share with people, but that's kind of normal for someone her age. I haven't read the other answers, but I have thought about age differences in dating a lot. Mostly because I am 21 and have dated people much older than me before - pretty much the same spread as between your sister and her guy.

The issues that I stumbled into were: - having kids. Be prepared to have that conversation earlier. Things that your older boyfriend remembers from childhood are different than yours. This can be a big deal or not. Either make a joke of it or don't acknowledge it, but it is still going to come up a bunch and both parties have to be okay with it to deal with that.

Who's career will take precedence in regards to things like moving - it might end up being th person more established in their which would tend to be the older partner. This is particularly relevant if they work in the same place! It is important to integrate, at least to some degree, your friends and your partner.

Do they get along despite an age difference? This is a good indicator as to whether they are the kind of person your sister might otherwise date, just older. Basically, get ready to have a lot of conversations sooner than you might have had you not dated up a decade. It can go great, and in twenty years be of no notice to them anymore as their kid graduates high school.

Or she might get burned, like any other relationship. There are just different questions to ask and risks to be taken. I know a couple of Mormon marriages with this age spread. After all, the Young Single Adult program is for ages 18 to 30, and late-blooming RMs dating freshmen at BYU can easily have a five or six year age gap for that matter, some grad students date freshmen and sophomores at BYU, simply because so many girls get married young there, and the pool of year-old single women is quite small.

Your parents will be more mad about the sex and the lying than the age thing, I bet. Incidentally, it's probably a lot healthier for her to not be living with your parents if she's choosing to live her life this way. As for the bottom-line question: I'd be concerned if this was her first at-all relationship; that it's her first serious relationship and he's so much older is a bit of a warning sign.

It might be a little too much rebellion and danger and not enough "this is really right for who I am," but that's the sort of thing that people have to sort out for themselves. It doesn't sound like you're worried about her safety, so. Long before I ever met my wife, she was involved in a similar relationship, age-wise. She was about 20 and living with her boyfriend who was about Eventually they broke up, obviously, but she turned out ok.

19 AND MARRYING A 35 YEAR OLD !! - WHAT'S THE QUESTION

She's now happily married to me, we have a nice house, she's pregnant with our first child. We went sailing in Greece last year. Are any of these things relevant? I don't know, how are you going to judge damage done by this age difference? What's my opinion of the guy? I don't know, I never met him. I'd have to guess he's not the most mature person for his age or wasn't 10 years ago, anyway. What did her family think?

It'd be like a 17 year old dating a 22 year old. Almost half the age difference! But still about the same. Why? Because the younger the younger.

I don't know, does it matter now? Would that have changed anything? I also lived with a girlfriend when I was about the same age as she was. My girlfriend at the time was 6 months younger than me, which would apparently be a lot less alarming. Like you, I had a lot of growing up left to do so did my girlfriend. My own inexperience in life had very little relationship to my girlfriends age.

If she was older, I would have had the same amount of growing up to do. If she was younger, same thing. If I need to grow up, it's a personal thing that affects me, not my sexual partners. Yeah, it's less than 10, but I can't really come up with a way it's significant. What are the bad things you think are going to happen here?

From the OP: "Thanks for the responses. I'd like to state that I am NOT trying to control her in any way. I was just worried about the age difference.

I am pretty sure if this guy were 40 a lot more people would have felt the same apprehension. The trouble is I didn't really know what was reasonable here, hence the question.

10 Types of 30-Year-Old Single Guys

I was honest about this with her and she was not offended by this concern. Because we were raised in a posoinous culture, I was trying to figure out what the common wisdom is about such age disparities.

In our church culture, I often saw much older men marry much younger women in a way that seemed creepy and exploitative, in fact the prophet joseph himself was quite fond of younger women.

We don't want to emulate that. Thank you all for your responses, which have helped me learn more about what is considered healthy and normal by average folks. My little sister herself gave me her full blessing to post this because she too was curious how concerned she should herself should be. Thanks for the input, and I can say that my mind is much more at ease now! Well, I dated a 29 year old when I was twenty and the relationship lasted a couple of years.

It didn't work out well, but I'm not sure the age difference was really our biggest problem.

I do think at 20 I didn't really have the maturity and independence to handle an "adult" relationship. I let the relationship go on far longer than it should have because I was afraid of being alone. It's not necessarily a bad idea, but here are some things to think about 1.

Use condoms. You may be in love, etc. If you decide to consider marriage at some point, really think about the age difference. My friend's parents were married when her mother was 22 and her father was They are now 64 and It's likely that he will die a decade or more before she does.

Maybe that period of being alone and elderly is worth it, maybe it's not, but it's definitely something to think about before you get married. Also, her mom retired early in part to accommodate her Dad and she's spent the last decade or so being pretty bored.

Therein lies your answer. My first instinct was to think "The age difference, not such a problem. The fact that they're working together is a red flag though. This -- 20 dating 30 -- is healthy and normal. I am not totally sure that "I'm in my late late 20's and I simply cannot imagine dating a 20 year old under ANY circumstances" is Seems unnecessarily limiting?

Late 20s and 20 may feel far apart but that will seem silly when at 30 and late 30s. But that's not the question. So, yeah, your sister's fine. I don't think "I am pretty sure if this guy were 40 a lot more people would have felt the same apprehension" is true. I don't think the average grown-up takes a lot of interest in the age of another grown-up's partner, and these things are just not outrageous, wrong, or otherwise bothersome or unsettling for most people.

Depends on the guy. I dated a guy 8 years older than me at that age, and he was great. No problems there. On the other hand, after dating me he swore he'd never date younger again. Once I hit his age, I was all, "Why the fuck did he date a year-old? As long as he follows Dan Savage's campsite rule and all that. I don't think this has to be a big deal, assuming the following: - the work situation isn't one where he's directly supervising her - they're on the same page about what they want out of life over the next few years and she isn't going to compromise her own interests and ambitions for someone who is in a huge rush to settle down These things could be an issue at any age, of course.

Every couple is different though, and it depends more on the individuals' maturity levels than anything else. I was 28 when I started dating my then 58 year old boyfriend three years ago. We've been married since last November. It's amazing, and none of anyone's business. For what it's worth, when I started dating Mr. Ipsum I was 23 and he was My parents were concerned about the age difference, but they didn't really have a say in the matter, and he eventually won them over anyway.

He admits now that he himself was a bit concerned about the age difference. But he soon found out that I was, in his words "not some silly little girl" as in, I didn't act immature and that we had a lot in common. In fact, during our first year together, he once made the comment that I was "23 going on 40" so I think these things are more of an issue of compatibility than chronological age.

To expand jenfullmon's appeal to Savage's campsite rule about age-gap relationships: he should leave her in better shape than he found her. It's also normal. There's nothing abnormal about wanting to date someone who in your exact age cohort. My sister-in-law is 9 years older than The Brother, and his ex-wife and ex-long-time-girlfriend were similarly older.

Dating with an age gap works great for some people, not so great for other people. I think there can be issues when people are dating people because of a big age gap. Especially when the younger party is looking to work out issues with a parent, or when the older party wants to use their age and experience to bully or control younger partners.

But those red flags turn up in the relationship dynamics, not in the simple difference in age. Speaking from personal experience - just don't go there. They will always be in two different places in their lives, no matter how mature one or the other might be. I also do not think the age thing is a big deal in and of itself. However it sounds from your post like you haven't actually met this fellow. The best way to ease your mind would be to spend time with them both and see how they interact.

There can be subtle signs that a less experienced person may not pick up on when assessing someone-- or a person that's all hopped up on lovey feelings wouldn't notice. I mean you don't have to be formal about it, just a getting to know the new guy get together.

Everything You Need To Know About Dating A 30-Year-Old Man As A 20-Something Girl

I think this is totally sibling territory, I mean it may not be your business, but you can still butt in a little, with a lot of care. I don't think the age difference itself is a problem.

However, a year-old who was a virgin living with her parents and going to school is in a hugely different place than most year-olds. Keeping it secret from parents and employers may make it seem more mysterious and appealing than it would be if they were able to have a "normal" relationship.

This is said with some experience - I was 18 and living on my own; he was 31, divorced with two kids. I think at the time we may have been equals in maturity but then I grew up. However, everyone is different. I don't see any huge red flags but think there's maybe an orange one for caution.

A thought for your sister.

However a 10 yr old dating a 16 yr old is just fucked up. . I am 22 years old soon to be 23 and I would date a 30 year old "but not any older". You know those girls who refuse to date anyone younger than they are, much less anyone their own age? They have a specific, thought-out. 19 points · 4 years ago. On my 33rd birthday I had a threesome with a lesbian couple. One was 22 at the time and the other was Somehow the movie Donnie.

I tend to date older people, so far up to the 10 year age gap your sister is experiencing when I was 18, he was 24; now I am 24 and she is When it doesn't matter is when you and your partner don't talk or worry about it. If it comes up between the two of you, it's going to be a problem--if it's coming up, one party is having a problem respecting another because of age, or is uncomfortable because of it, or whatever.

Age was a much bigger issue in my 6-year-gap relationship than it is in my current year-gap relationship. Who knows whether these things will work out years is a lot in terms of life stage, when to settle down, etc. But your sister sounds prepared for that.

So if someone is 30 years old, according to these rules, they should be dating people ranging from ages 22 – That's a huge range, and you. My 20 year old younger sister is dating a 30 year old man. .. in his mid 20's, I dated another guy who was probably 34 when I was 21 or However, she “could see the rule working out much better for men than women,” because “chances are a year-old man dating a year-old.

I'd just add that if he thinks it's a big deal, or she thinks it's a big deal, thats probably an orange flag. Not a red flag Being a big sister, I'm concerned with all of my little sister's relationships so I'd say there's cause for a little concern, but in the end it's her choice. I dated a guy fourteen years older than myself, and when anyone - sister, friend, parent - told me he was too old for me I'd just push back against it and their ultimately well-founded concerns went in one ear and out the other.

If she's handling it well, great! If she isn't or if he turns out to do something really wrong then just listen to her and keep doing what you're doing - listen to her and give the best advice you can. I'll second what equivocator said - if one or both of them are already concerned about the age gap, they should both probably try to slow down a bit and deal with it before going any further.

Twenty is a little young to be taking on a serious relationship with someone that has, in all likelihood, already gone through the highs and lows of sexual relationships, but age itself isn't a big concern at all when compared to other issues that you'll get by having a serious relationship with someone else regardless of any age difference; personality clashes, irreconcilable differences of opinion and so on.

Almost all my relationships have had this kind of age gap or bigger and I'm fine. There is one downside I can think of that's worth being aware of: If you're a woman dating a much older guy, you can easily end up in a very slightly parent-child-like dynamic, where he makes more decisions after all, he has much more life experience!

If you were a young person dating someone of the same age, it would be much easier to just both go out discovering the world together and working out how to get along. I think anyone young in a relationship with an age difference like this needs to be particularly careful to stand up for themselves, to be an equal partner in decision-making, and to make sure to spend plenty of time around other adults so that they get a balanced view of how different people handle life.

Opinions from a content single: I used to be quite concerned over the age difference, however my views have changed. I'd think more about compatibility, life goals, ability to communicate as more important aspects of any relationship.

The thing with 20 - 30 is not so much the age gap as the experience gap. It's much, much bigger than later twenty-year gaps. For example, a year old with a year old is not going to seem such a big deal. It can work, though. My mother married when she was 19 and my dad was

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